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Joy.Hope.Travel the world.Smiles.Laughter.

To be or not to be, it's no longer a question.
It's a choice.
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Monday, July 28, 2008
Reality Check. Checked. / 12:32 AM





Better In Time

I can't sleep because i have a block nose. [I'm serious, do not think otherwise. haha]

We had a heart to heart talk. It's not hard-too-hard. I can handle that. Don't worry.

What i want to say is, the things that are mention in the conversation, I've knew them all my life. They are like my nemesis. Unable to get rid of them for long before they start bugging me again.

Once upon a time, i keep thinking that the only solution to be able to keep my precious relationships with people to either shut my brains or shut my mouth. I've tried both, i assure the whole world. Guess what, it didn't work.

Why?

Because i got too bored and i got emo.

It's there and then, i realised, that's not me at all. Why do i have to make myself miserable when people around you may not even half care.

So i tried taking a funnel and put it into my brain. Guess what, It didn't work either. Because everyone has a different funnel. It's shaped differently and has different depths.

So what went pass my funnel, didn't managed to pass others. They got stuck.

Furthermore, they rot into their body which hurt them so much. They could probably wither any moment without me knowing it. I'm still happily smiling away without a tinge of remorse. Just for the reason of not knowing it.

It is a valid excuse or it just a lie?

I think i deserve it. Maybe i am due to be living in solitude.

I'm not hurt, angry or having any feeling towards the closest people in my life. I am just trying my best to figure out why i can't get be who people want me to be.

I just want to sincerely apologise for the things I've done or said that may have unintentionally hurt anyone.

I need to let everyone know as well, i can minimise the hurt level, with a lot of sacrificial on my personality. For people i love, I'm willing to let go. However, everything comes with the good and the bad. There isn't anything that can be totally good without any side effect.

There's only one solution to end my nemisis, it is to lose that personality totally. I'm sorry, that's the only solution i can think of now.

Please don't be worried, for all you know when i wake up tomorrow, things might change again. I promise, my dear friends.

P.s: Sometimes i hate blogs on public domains. Urgh. [Don't bother understanding this.=X]


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