It seems as if i've slowed down while time raced past me as usual.. I'm getting used to living out slowly.. What a big and slow step..

I miss my sis the most.. really.. i'm so sorry to have hurt you.. be happy okay..

I saw a fantastic room today. I hope the owner is serious about renting the room to me.. I love the comfort of lao-ba's place, the warmth, the boys, the hospitality.. Nothing's lacking and i'm not pushing away their care for me..

I was still struggling internally the whole day when Shawn (the owner of the house) asked me to go over for viewing tonight.. I was thinking:

" Shit, I'm so comfortable-ly settled at lao-ba's place already.. it's already like a home to me.. now i have to uproot again.. No one to entertain or talk to me after work, so lonely.."

"lao ba really treat me very well, really don't feel like leaving at all.."

and so on and on and on..

But my another side of the mind was saying:

"But how long can you stay there? 6 mths? 1 yr? 2 yrs? Forever?"

Even if I'm paying rent, i also cannot die die stay there until i shuang right.. i will need a place on my own ultimately.

" Okay larx.. I should be open to viewing of rooms as well"

I was very skeptical about it, because i have no idea how the house looks like.. if the house is like shit, the room is like shit or the owner i feel is like shit. I'll just say no lorx.. Since i still have a roof over my head.

But the room i went in today is like as big as the room i had back home, a queen size bed with air con installed. I have my own bathroom at the kitchen. Can cooked, got wireless and cable. Very near mrt station. Shawn and his wife have a 16 month old son that comes back home during weekends only.. Both of them looks like they are in their mid or late 20s.. At least no generation gap i guess.. or not that wide..

I like e room and I'm ready to move if needed, cos the budget is just nice (and i don't want to get too used to a place, readjusting again could be tough). I can only afford the most of 500 per month for rent only.. I'm afraid of my emotion baggage along as well, but i know i have all my bestie, my bf, my sis and lao-ba to support me.. I swear i feel so much better as compared to Saturday. I love you guys okay.. especially ling who came down on Saturday in the wee hours to accompany me.. I really appreciate it..

I understand your concerns for me.. I know them too.. but sooner or later i have to give it a shot.. =)

So so much better..

Nth is fixed with the new house yet.. so I'll wait for the owner to give me the nod. if no nod also no lost larx.. =)

I just want everyone around me to be happy.. please don't be sad, angry, unhappy, agitated, frustrated or any form of negative emotions because of me okay.. please.. if not i will feel even more emotionally burden and sad.. =.=

To ling: I'm x infinity sorry. Really. I don't want you to get upset. please don't. I don't mean it.. I want you to know, if i do make a decision, as a worry wart, i have consider all factors, weight all the pros and cons, look at every detail, consulted all the people i have trusted for any major decision now. that includes you. i take your comments and ideas very seriously. because you are my bestie.

It seems as if i've slowed down while time raced past me as usual.. I'm getting used to living out slowly.. What a big and slow step..

I miss my sis the most.. really.. i'm so sorry to have hurt you.. be happy okay..

I saw a fantastic room today. I hope the owner is serious about renting the room to me.. I love the comfort of lao-ba's place, the warmth, the boys, the hospitality.. Nothing's lacking and i'm not pushing away their care for me..

I was still struggling internally the whole day when Shawn (the owner of the house) asked me to go over for viewing tonight.. I was thinking:

" Shit, I'm so comfortable-ly settled at lao-ba's place already.. it's already like a home to me.. now i have to uproot again.. No one to entertain or talk to me after work, so lonely.."

"lao ba really treat me very well, really don't feel like leaving at all.."

and so on and on and on..

But my another side of the mind was saying:

"But how long can you stay there? 6 mths? 1 yr? 2 yrs? Forever?"

Even if I'm paying rent, i also cannot die die stay there until i shuang right.. i will need a place on my own ultimately.

" Okay larx.. I should be open to viewing of rooms as well"

I was very skeptical about it, because i have no idea how the house looks like.. if the house is like shit, the room is like shit or the owner i feel is like shit. I'll just say no lorx.. Since i still have a roof over my head.

But the room i went in today is like as big as the room i had back home, a queen size bed with air con installed. I have my own bathroom at the kitchen. Can cooked, got wireless and cable. Very near mrt station. Shawn and his wife have a 16 month old son that comes back home during weekends only.. Both of them looks like they are in their mid or late 20s.. At least no generation gap i guess.. or not that wide..

I like e room and I'm ready to move if needed, cos the budget is just nice (and i don't want to get too used to a place, readjusting again could be tough). I can only afford the most of 500 per month for rent only.. I'm afraid of my emotion baggage along as well, but i know i have all my bestie, my bf, my sis and lao-ba to support me.. I swear i feel so much better as compared to Saturday. I love you guys okay.. especially ling who came down on Saturday in the wee hours to accompany me.. I really appreciate it..

I understand your concerns for me.. I know them too.. but sooner or later i have to give it a shot.. =)

So so much better..

Nth is fixed with the new house yet.. so I'll wait for the owner to give me the nod. if no nod also no lost larx.. =)

I just want everyone around me to be happy.. please don't be sad, angry, unhappy, agitated, frustrated or any form of negative emotions because of me okay.. please.. if not i will feel even more emotionally burden and sad.. =.=

To ling: I'm x infinity sorry. Really. I don't want you to get upset. please don't. I don't mean it.. I want you to know, if i do make a decision, as a worry wart, i have consider all factors, weight all the pros and cons, look at every detail, consulted all the people i have trusted for any major decision now. that includes you. i take your comments and ideas very seriously. because you are my bestie.

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